Thursday, December 29, 2016

This Shit is Important


I know that I have written/typed about language programs and what I would do differently if I were to construct my own language learning curriculum. But, today I have reached a new level of rage with these goddamn language programs. I've been watching some youtube videos on French phrases when suddenly, this goddamn asshole, who is trying to teach me how to order food at a cafe takes waaaay too long teaching me how to say PINEAPPLE PIZZA in french. I wish I didn't know those words/that combination of words in English. Why the fuck would anyone order a goddamn pineapple pizza in FRANCE. If you do plan on ordering this heinous monstrosity then you don't deserve France. Or possibly even life, for that matter. No one goes to the food mecca of the world to order an abomination pizza. And, if they do, then they will leave France in a body bag and rightfully so.

I can't really say that it got worse from there but it didn't get better either. This "native speaker" continues to teach me how to say 'spaghetti' and 'hamburger' in French. Do you know how to say spaghetti and hamburger in French? You guessed it, it's 'spaghetti' and 'hamburger' with a French accent. You are a genius and are now at level 1,000 in French.

Food is pretty simple. Why can't this guy teach me to say, "I would like another napkin"? Or, other words like 'the check', 'spoon', 'ice', 'water' or 'pepper'...you know, words that are TOTALLY DIFFERENT IN FRENCH. In case you were wondering, I did look these words up in French and they are as follows, check/la adition, spoon/cuillere, ice/de la glace, water/eau and pepper/poivre. See, I care about you way more than that youtube asshole and I want you to succeed in France. Also, 'pineapple pizza' is properly pronounced,'va te faire foutre'.

I almost wrote, "Sorry for all the cursing.". But then I was like, nah fuck that. This shit is important. Seriously though, my brother ordered a glass of milk at a bar in Paris and was almost physically assaulted by the waitress. Although, to be fair, if you are going to get that angry about milk then maybe don't put in on the menu. Which, in a nutshell, is why I love France. It's a country full of assholes just like me...not like that youtube guy, he's just inconsiderate.

2 comments:

  1. Haha! Enjoyed the post.
    Mais pizza d'ananas est fabuleux!
    But then I am just an a-hole with a translator app and a hankering for pineapple.

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    Did you know you can get them ON AUTO-PILOT AND TOTALLY FOR FREE by registering on Like 4 Like?

    ReplyDelete